Monthly Archives: November 2011

Today I have decided to share my story with you, my background on how I got to where I am today. Some of the information I am not even sure my parent’s know the full story of my assault. This isn’t meant to upset anyone, it’s meant for me to use as a way of release.

I started out on this Earth as a fairly normal baby. I became a big sister when I was 4 ½ years old to my sister then at age 7 ½ years; I become a sister again to my little brother. I wasn’t a very good big sister from what I have been told. I always was beating up on them and being mean. I even broke my mom’s finger once. I regret now acting that way. I had some behavior issues as a child, always throwing fights when I didn’t get my way and having panic attacks about dying, those continue today, but rarely happen thanks to a nightly dose of Ativan. I also had problems paying attention in school. I remember being put on Ritalin in 4th grade which I was on for a few years. It helped me pay attention and get good grades. I also had seizures as a child; I had temporal lobe epilepsy and would blackout and not remember having them, I suffered my last seizure at age 13 and went off seizure medication at age 16. I remember having a medical restriction on my driver’s license when I first got, I think it remained on their until I was 18, I actually don’t remember. These seizures shaped my life more than I know it. It embarrassed me because I would have them at school and not realize it. I remember getting made fun of. The medication also made me gain weight which I believe eventually led to a lifelong weight battle that I am now trying to conquer. I ballooned to 210 lbs from this medication; I eventually went back down to 160 lbs where I reminded until an event changed my life.

The one thing that really shaped my life and how I was as a young adult was a sexual assault I had at age 17 as a high school senior. It was January 2001, I had been dating a guy for 7 months and we had sex times before. But one day at school he felt it necessary to try to have sex with me in the empty photography black room during school hours with a teacher in the other room. He forced me to take my pants off. I kept telling him to stop. He actually did have sex with me in there; so maybe it’s actually considered rape, I don’t know how to classify it. Rape seems so harsh, but it was harsh event and ruined my life for many, many years. I tried to break up with the boy that evening, but for some reason his apology made me take him back. Over the next two years while I was dating him I began to gain weight. I continued to date this boy afterward and even was engaged to marry him at one point. 2 months before our wedding (I would have been 19) he dumped me for another girl that he met while he was in the Navy, at the time I was devastated. I became even more depressed than I was before. Little did I know that it was a blessing. I gained over 150 pounds after all this. I dated boys off and on until I met the man that would become my best friend and husband at age 20. He was the first person I ever disclosed the abuse too. The disclosure set off a series of depression hospitalizations and even more weight gain. I managed to gain another 120 pounds reaching my highest weight of 418 lbs at age 26. Shortly before my 27th birthday I decided to have weight loss surgery. I was sleeved July 12, 2010, 1 month and 3 days after my 27th birthday. Now as I approach my 29th birthday next June I hope to be able to put my past behind me for good and move on. I want to become pregnant and bring my child into a world where his/her’s mother loves herself as well as others. I still have about 50-60 lbs to lose in order to have a fairly safe pregnancy. I am hoping that this goal will be reach with the help of a new exercise routine and eating habits. Last Wednesday, I started with a new trainer. I have since had 4 sessions with him and another 1 tomorrow. I have also exercised on my own. I have started food logging and have done away with frozen meals. I have lost 2 lbs already just since Thursday. I hope this continues to be a downward tread.

Thank you for letting me share this with you this evening. It feels like my heart as gotten a bit lighter. It’s time to move on from the past and walk boldly into the unknown future.

Daily Inspirational Quote: ”Life never stops moving forward. Stay focused and never slow down with regrets. Smile, forgive, forget and keep moving on.” ~Unknown

Posted by Bariatric Beginnings in Bariatric Beginnings Tags: bariatrics, exercise, forget, forgive, future, gastric sleeve, inspirational quotes, keep moving on, motivational blogs, moving on, past, walking boldly into the unknown future, weight loss, weight loss surgery