Tonight will be the final blog for 2011 as I will be ringing in the new year with my husband and parents. Saying goodbye to the past and seeing hello to the most exciting year ahead. I have never looked ahead to a year as much as I am looking ahead to 2012.
As I began this evening’s blog entry I was realized that 5 months ago today I began this blog and my journey. So much has changed in the last five months. I am lost 30 pounds and have pretty much calmed my depression down to a very manageable level. I enjoy exercise now. I enjoy going to work every day. I have gone from a size 30 to a size 24 in pants. I have gone from a size 11 shoe to a size 9 1/2. My marriage with my husband is the strongest it’s every been. Thoughts of pregnancy seem real for once. Things are gotten better in so many areas. And Patrick also got an awesome new job where we are working the same hours and days. Sometimes I can’t believe that I was able to change my life around in just 5 short months. I know that 2012 is going to be an awesome year.
I honestly can not wait to wake up on Sunday morning, January 1, 2012, it will be a fresh start and I will be waking up next to the love of my life and best friend. It’s been years since we have been together on New Year’s Eve and gotten to wake up together on New Year’s Day. I will make sure to cherish these two events, there is no one I would rather be with. Patrick is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He is unlike any other person out there. He is the sweetest, gentlest, kindest person I have ever met. He also have the greatest sense of humor and always makes me laugh especially when I am feeling down. I feel safe when I am in his arms. He is my best friend and I am grateful that our paths crossed almost 8 years ago and that I get to spend the rest of my life with him by my side. I can’t wait until we have a family of our own, I know that Patrick is going to be an amazing father. He is already an amazing husband and friend. Thank you so much for all that you do Patrick, you have changed my life in so many ways. I can not wait to provide you with the ultimate gift, a child, that you and I created together…I hope them have your sense of humor and gentle heart. I love you.
Daily Inspirational Quote: Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.” ~Mother Teresa
When I woke up this morning I decided to weigh myself on my home scale just to make sure that I hadn’t gone up that much. To my surprise I was down again. I am not trying to get too excited about it because it is not my “official” scale that I weigh on. I just use it monitor if I am gaining or losing. This afternoon was pretty slow, I mainly just did stuff around the house and ran and did a few errands to prepare for my parent’s 40th wedding anniversary this evening. Dinner was really nice. I had a yummy whole wheat pasta dish with peppers, onions, spinach, artichokes, tomatoes, olives, garlic, and shrimp. It was a huge bowl and I wasn’t able to eat much of it, so I brought it home for later.
I am looking forward to New Year’s Eve on Saturday. This will be the first time in years that I get to ring in the New Year with my husband. In the past he has always worked night shift and was never home. It’s fitting that we are ringing in 2012 together because it is a year full of possibilities for us. Patrick has started a new job, more weight loss for me (hopefully), I plan on running my first 5K in April, and hopefully starting our own family this summer. Things are looking up.
Daily Inspirational Quote: ”Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.” ~Lou Holtz
A friend’s post on Facebook this morning had me thinking back to my Christmas last year. I was 5 months post op and extremely depressed. I remember just putting the gifts I had received in my closet and forgetting about them. I didn’t even discover them until I was packing to move this last July. I actually was admitted to the psych ward for wanting to kill myself 4 days after Christmas and spent the New Year in there. I didn’t even stay up and to watch the ball drop on television at the hospital…I think I crawled in bed at 9pm that evening. I was so miserable and my surgery was a failure to me. I was 5 months out and only down 40 lbs total (including the 22 lbs lost pre-op). I was still addicted to food and would stuff my face at every meal and throw up afterwards. It seemed like a waste to go on with life. Things didn’t get much better, I was back in the psych ward in April for wanting to kill myself again. Then at the end of July, something clicked for me. I still don’t know what happened to me. My whole attitude on live, eating, and exercise changed. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and took charge of my life. Since then I have lost 30 lbs and continue to lose. I will be 18 months post-op in a few weeks and am planning on starting a family this summer. I am happier than I have ever been in my adult life. I am still working on my issues with food and my past rape but things are looking up each day. I am thankful to be alive this Christmas and sending it with my family. This afternoon, I was able to visit and spend some time with my grandmother and spend the evening with my parents, my husband, and siblings. We had dinner, watched a Christmas movie, had a fire, and closed the night with the tradition of my father reading “Twas The Night Before Christmas.” I look forward to spending Christmas at my parent’s house tomorrow, receiving and giving gifts, and sitting down to a holiday dinner where I will not stuff myself and make myself ill. The greatest gift I am receiving this year is from myself, the gift of getting my life back.
Daily Inspirational Quote: ”Failure is only a fact when you give up. Everyone gets knocked down, the question is: Will you get back up?” ~Unknown
I am blogging early today since we will be out late at a comedy show tonight and might not be back until 12:30am. I probably won’t feel like posting that late. Patrick had his interview this morning, he said it went well and he should find out after the new year. After Patrick got home we had lunch and then went out to Avenue, a plus size clothing store, because everything was 50% off in the store. I got a new wool pea coat. I am able to get a 26/28 in the coat compared to last year when I had a size 30/32 pea coat from there and it was still on the small side and I couldn’t button it. The new coat is smaller and it buttons!!! I can’t wait to wear it tonight. The old one is getting donated to the Goodwill. Not sure what we are going to do the rest of the evening, Patrick wants to take a nap since we are going to be out late. I will have to see how I feel after blogging. We don’t need to start getting ready until after 8:00pm. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we are going to my parent’s house for dinner. I will bake my oatmeal bars in the afternoon so that they are fresh for tomorrow evening. I don’t think I have ever been this excited about Christmas in my adult life. I think I am most excited about giving people their gifts, though Patrick is most excited about opening his gifts from everyone. I swear Patrick is like a kid, still loves birthdays, Christmas, and Halloween. He jokes that the only reason that he is willing to have children is so he can take them out trick or treating, even if the child is 6 months old…and to be honest he probably isn’t joking.
A picture of my new coat (not on me though)
Daily Inspirational Quote: ”All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” ~Walt Disney
Today was the first day of my winter vacation, it was nice to sleep in, but I made the mistake of sleeping in until 11:45am! Oh well, my body must of needed it. This afternoon Patrick and I went to the gym with my parents, I decided to start the Couch to 5K training today instead of Monday. That is the first time I have jogged in a long time, but I did it. Even though it was only 2 minutes of jogging, it was rough for someone of my size, but I completed the 2 minutes without stopping, this was my first non scale victory of the day. I think I will train outside instead of using the treadmill, weather permitting of course. After the gym, Patrick and I went and did some grocery shopping for ourselves and got more ingredients to make some Oatmeal Carmelita Bars for Christmas Eve since they have become popular in my family. After grocery shopping we came home and I took a bath since I felt nasty after working out. I had another non scale victory at this point. I know it might sound like something I should of been capable of doing in the first place, but those of you who struggle with obesity will understand. I was able to shave my own legs for the first time in I don’t know how long. My poor husband has been helping/doing it for me for the past few years. That is one of the reasons that my husband is one of the most awesome husbands out there, thank you honey for all that you do for me. As a way of simple repayment, I am giving him a shout out on my blog for his blog, if you want to read about our cat, Rowan’s new cat toy that we got him this evening, check out The Dingleberry.
Tomorrow, Patrick has an interview and then on Monday he has another. I am hoping one of these pans out. It would be nice to have both of us working again. I wish him the best of luck, we even practiced for tomorrow’s interview. I think he will do fine. Tomorrow night, the family, Patrick, and I are going to the Cleveland Improv to see our favorite comedian, Mike Polk. I am very excited, this will be our 3rd time seeing him in the past few months, he is really hilarious, search him on YouTube, he has tons of funny videos up. That is my only real plan for tomorrow. Just going to stay home and relax probably, although it is finally payday.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Today was my last work day for the week. I am now on Christmas break until January 4. Work went good, but I seemed like I was on my feet more than usual. My feet are swollen now, they were so swollen that my shoes were tight, I am thankful to have them off now. I had my counseling appointment this afternoon. I am proud to announce that I met my Christmas goal weight that I was hoping for. I weighed in at 348 lbs today, officially 70 lbs gone forever!!! My goal is to lose 9 lbs by my 18 month follow up on January 5. That is only 2 weeks away so I know it might not happen but it would be nice to be in the 330s for my appointment. Regardless of what the weight says at the appointment I have been successful since my 1 year appointment. I have already lost 26 lbs since August (4 months). Which is half the amount that I lost in the first 12 months. I know I am doing it right now.
My next goal is to be able to do a 5K (3.1 miles) in April. I am going to start training with The Couch to 5K Training Program. It is suppose to get you 5K ready in just 10 weeks. I am giving myself until mid-April to training. I have chosen a local 5K race that is taking place in April. It would be amazing for me to complete this race. At one of my support groups at the end of March I am going to get up and share my story. I know I am not at goal yet, but my story needs to be heard. I want pre-op people to know that this isn’t an easy journey and there are more than physical complications that can happen. I had a lot of emotional/mental complications after my surgery and I want people to be aware that it is a possibly that could happen. Weight loss surgery is not the easy way out or all smooth sailing, it is a very big event in your life and you honestly need to be fully prepared for it both physically and emotionally. I don’t regret my decision to have surgery, I just wish I had my head on straight when I had it done.
Daily Inspirational Quote: ”Goals are dreams with deadlines.” ~Diana Scharf Hunt
Today was a pretty good day, work went by quickly and thankfully tomorrow is the last day in my work week! I am so excited to go on winter break. I knew today was going to be a good day because when I was driving to work, I found a radio station playing old Johnny Cash music, who is one of my favorite old time musicians. I even said to myself in the car, today is going to be a good day…and it was. After work I came home and had a little personal time with myself for once. It was actually nice to be home alone for once, not that I don’t love being with Patrick, because I do….I am just rarely by myself at home anymore when Patrick being out of a job. I just listened to music and worked on my scrapbook, which I am happy to announce is completed for now. I can’t wait to add more pages as time passes. Tomorrow after work, I have my counseling appointment and final “official scale” weigh in until my 18 month follow up on January 5. I am hoping to be in the 340s tomorrow, that would be awesome. I am bringing my scrapbook with me to share.
I had another non scale victory today. The picture below explains it all…..
So, the pants I sleep in have finally reached the point where I am put my whole body in one leg, I think it's time for new pants...
This was amazing to me because at once point these pants were tight on me and now they are always falling off, thankfully these are the pants that I sleep in so only my cat and husband see them fall and which point everyone laughs. I am hoping to find an old pair of jeans in a size 32 that I used to have because I would like to take a picture in those. I think my mom has them somewhere at her house.
I can’t wait to check in with you guys tomorrow evening, have an excellent night and a good day tomorrow!
Daily Inspirational Quote: ”Yesterday is a dream, tomorrow but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore to this day.” ~Sanskrit Proverb
