My Ultimate Goal In Life

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So far so good with going back on the Celexa. I am feeling back to normal mentally. Physically, I am still pretty tired all the time and my back has been causing me a lot of problems lately, I know that I should be getting back to the gym soon but life has been kind of chaotic these past few weeks, if it isn’t one thing it’s another. It’s only 7 in the evening here right now and I am feel like I am ready to turn in for the night. Patrick is at a staff meeting until 8 and then has to drive 40 minutes home so it will be about an hour and a half before I see him. I now I should cook dinner for myself but I really don’t feel like it, that’s sad since cooking is one of my passions. I don’t feel like cooking just from myself since I only eat very little because of my surgery. When I cook for both of us, Patrick eats his share plus enough for 3 other people! I would feed us when he gets home, but he is getting fed at his staff meeting so he will unlikely be hungry again. I can’t believe tomorrow is February already. Times just seems to go faster and faster as you get older. I remember as a child that time seemed to move so slowly that you wished time would more faster. Honestly, things move too fast for me now. I am not even as busy as I could have been had I continued counseling school.  Sometimes I wish I could have continued on with the program, but honestly it was too much then and now even. And I don’t need a 2nd master’s degree to carry out what I want to do with my life. My ultimate goal in  life is to write a book about my experiences and my journey. Kind of turn this blog into a book. Pulling from the blog and my past experiences. People need to be educated on what weight loss surgery is and how it can help you. People need to know that it is not the “easy way” out and lastly, people need to know that surgery has so much another benefits along with losing weight. You gain confidence, your sexuality, a new outlook on life and yourself, etc. This list goes on and on. I honestly want to start this process now but don’t know where to start, I guess just open Word and start typing away. I already have the name for the book picked out. This will happen.

 

Daily Inspirational Quote: “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” ~Pericles

6 Months Past…And In A Better Place

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Wow, 6 months ago today, I started writing my thoughts and feelings down on this blog. I am proud of what this blog has become. Last week, I purchased the domain name bariatricbeginnings.com and gave this blog an official address. I am also proud of what I have become these last 6 months. I am a completely different person both physically and mental. I have lost 33 lbs to date since starting this blog and 77 lbs overall. I weighted in at the counselor’s today and was down to 341 lbs now!!! I will be in the 330s by my next appointment in 2 weeks. Physically I am able to exercise longer and do things that I couldn’t do before or enjoy. I have gotten my sex drive back, I am excited about getting up each day and going to work and I eating healthier than ever before. I cook at home practically every night now. When I wasn’t right mentally, I was always eating fast food and other extremely unhealthy foods, then I would get sick and throw up my stomach was no longer designed to hold that type or amount of food. But my head was still feeding an addiction. By this past June, I realized that I need to change what I was doing in order to save my life. The surgery isn’t a magic cure and I knew that if it was going to work, I had to make it work. Overall, I couldn’t be happier with myself. Sure I hope and want to lose more weight but I already know that I have jump and conquered one of the biggest hurdles in my life already…my mental health.

Which Way Do You Want Your Life To Go?

 

Daily Inspirational Quote: “Happiness lies, first of all, in health.” ~George William Curtis

Quick Check-In

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Tonight’s blog will be a short one since we are going to head to bed early because my husband isn’t feeling well. He started coming down with a cold a few days ago. This will be his second cold in the past few months. His new job is outdoors mostly and I think that is helping contribute to the colds. He is always bundled up with many layers but still seems to get sick. We had a busy day, Patrick’s parents come up for a few hours to visit and see Patrick’s new car. We also went out to lunch. This evening, we had dinner with my whole family, it was nice for all of us to get together, I don’t see my siblings much except for the holiday because they are both still in school and pretty busy. I was able to fit into a new pair of  size 24 pants today that I got at Avenue yesterday, I have never been able to fit into a size 24 in their pants, just the size 24s at Fashion Bug. Why do sizes have to vary so much from brand to brand? Well, anyway, tomorrow we are both back to work and then I have a counseling appointment afterwards. Then if Patrick is feeling up to it when he gets home we will do our grocery shopping for the week, I have tons of good recipes planned for the week.

 

Daily Inspirational Quote: “Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.” ~John Quincy Adams

My Road To Happiness Is Different Than Yours; No I Am Not Lost, I’m Just Taking Time To Enjoy The Scencery.

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My home scale showed a number this morning that I had never seen before. I weight I haven’t seen in 7 years! This makes me so happy since just earlier this week I was told that I would regain my weight. I honestly think my meltdown this week and my behaviors the last two weeks are from the medication change. This morning I woke up and felt like a different person. Most of my physical pain was gone too. Still having a lot of back pain, but overall I am feeling much better. Today Patrick and I did some shopping and went and looked at the cats at Petsmart, one of Patrick’s favorite things to do, they had 3 orange cats, which is our favorite color of cat, like our own cat Rowan. I have cautiously re-actived my Facebook profile. I am only being friends with people I personally know in person. No more “WLS friends”, unless they are seeking help from me personally, like through this blog. I did some baking this evening, I made a cake with sugar free mix and sugar free frosting for a family dinner we are having at my brother’s house tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon Patrick’s parents are visiting us, so we have a busy day ahead tomorrow.

It’s honestly amazing how much a tiny little pill can help you. I honestly wish I didn’t have to be on any medications but I have tried going without several times in the last 10 years and it never works. I always wean off the medications but I still have problems. This concoction that I am on now and have been on since July is honestly the best concoction I have ever been on. I was hoping that the Prozac would have helped with the obsessiveness but it didn’t I just ended up some angry that I didn’t obsesses, that was not what I was going for. I can already start to tell that the obsessiveness is returning, but honestly I will live with that if it means not being overly emotional and angry all the time. I think life is getting back to normal now. I am better sure I have used tonight’s quote before but it bears repeating. Remember my road to happiness is different than yours; no I am not lost, I’m just taking time to enjoy the scencery.

 

Daily Inspirational Quote:“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.” ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Remember That Things Do Work Themselves Out In The End

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I am so thankful that today was Friday, the work week is finally over and I am able to just relax the next two days. I wish I had a week off of work soon, I just need some time away from that place and it’s stressors for a bit. It’s amazing how quickly co-workers and their behaviors can stress you out. It’s always my co-workers at this job, never the children. I can’t wait till April for spring break, I get 6 days off of work! After my doctor’s appointment I decided to do something for myself. I went and got my hair trimmed and my hair colored. I got it colored burgundy. It really made me feel so much better. I would post a picture for you if I hadn’t just gotten out of the bath and was in my pajamas. I can tell that my stress level has dropped since yesterday, yesterday was the worse day I have had in awhile. Today was a little stressful towards the end of the day at work but that was about it. At the doctor we made some medications changes. I am back on the Celexa and off the Prozac. Honestly, Celexa is my wonder drug I think. I gave the Prozac a try for 2 1/2 weeks but it wasn’t helping with the obsessiveness and it was making me very anxious and angry all the time. I wasn’t depressed from it though. We have also decided to try Buspar and see if it helps with my anxiety problems.  I am staying on my other stuff for sleeping. I go back to the doctor in about a week to see how I am doing and I go back to my counselor on Monday since I was so upset yesterday. Patrick and I got tickets to a concert happening around my birthday in June. We are going to go see the Red Hot Chili Peppers!!! I am very excited, they are one of my all time favorite groups and I have never seen them live before. It will be nice way to ring in turning 29 as the concert is exactly a week before my birthday. This evening after we were both home from work we ran some errands, did laundry, and took baths. I honestly think we might be turning in early tonight and sleeping in tomorrow morning. I am have had a rough week emotionally and could use a good night’s sleep.

For those of you out there who might be also having an emotionally rough week, month, or even year, remember that things do work themselves out in the end. Trying to find a job, get through school, and lose weight are all things that many of us tackle in our day to day lives. You always need to keep faith and remember that things will work themselves out fine and honestly I have noticed at least for me, the less I stress about something the more focused I am on making that tasks happen. You can’t stress about things that you have no control on, like getting a job off the bat, the right job will find you. It found Patrick after he had been unemployed for a few months, now he is working at a job he really enjoys. Things that you do have some control over like losing weight, the less you stress about it, the easier the process comes to you. When I am not stressed I am more likely to exercise often and eat less. Being frustrated and try to lose weight can work against each other especially if you have a food addiction and you use food to cope with the stress in your life. When you wake up each morning, recite the Serenity Prayer to yourself, it has really helped me to recite it when I am feeling stressed.

 

Daily Inspirational Quote: “You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.” ~Matt Groening, The Simpsons, spoken by the character Marge Simpson

Inspiring Others

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For most of the day I felt like I was close to having a nervous breakdown. I was able to go in to see my counselor this afternoon and it helped to be able to talk about all the stressors in my life and be able to just cry and get it out. Mentally I feel a lot better already, also it feels good to not be a slave to my Facebook account anymore. I want to eventually go back and be able to keep in touch with relatives and old co-workers and old friends. But for now, I don’t need or want it in my life. Physically, my stomach and back have been killing me for awhile now. I don’t know what’s causing it, I hope it is just the stress. I took a 45 minute long hot bath and then had a heating pad on my stomach for 30 minutes. It has helped a little.

This one is worth repeating on the blog. I love this quote.

I am so glad tomorrow is Friday, I am definitely ready for this work week to be over, it’s been a crazy one. Not sure what our plans are for tomorrow night yet, I have a psychiatrist’s appointment after work but that’s it. Saturday, we have nothing that needs to be done. Might try to do something nice together if the weather isn’t too crappy. Sunday, we have my husband’s parents visiting and then in the evening we are having dinner with my family at my brother’s house.

I think I have finally found the person that I am suppose to help, I have been emailing back and forth with a young lady, a bit younger than me who is considering weight loss surgery, but isn’t sure where to start. It honestly brightened my day when she posted on her own blog that she was going to start to try going on her own journey with the help of what she considers her new found friend. I hope I can help her on her journey whether or not she has surgery. If you are reading this, you have turned my week around drastically, thank you!

 

Daily Inspirational Quote: “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” ~John Quincy Adams

I Am Happier Knowing That I Am Hated

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I realize that when some one put’s themselves in the public eye, criticism and mean comments are par for the course. But the last few weeks have been too much for me. Once I got the comments on my blog to stop, it all started back up on my personal Facebook account and this blog’s Facebook page, as well as even in the recipe group I started. I have taken a hiatus from Facebook for awhile, maybe even forever. I deactivated my personal account so that if I even decide to come back my page is how I left it. I don’t need that type of drama in my life right now or ever. I have also deleted the YouTube channel I had going. It wasn’t worth my time to make videos so that people could be a**holes about them. I am continuing this blog mainly because it is an outlet for me to voice my thoughts and emotions and if I help just 1 other person out there than I have done my job. If you don’t like me or what I say, please don’t bother reading this. I have removed my name from this blog and have changed my Gravatar to a symbol instead of my face. I am think that my dreams of ever doing any motivational speaking for out the door for now. Apparently I can’t handle any criticism, but when you are constantly referred to as a “bitch” on Facebook, it begins to wear on you. I am not a bitch, I am not going to regain my weight, and I am not in need of serious mental health.

I am almost 19 months out, I have come along way since the beginning and I don’t need to me weighed down by other’s comments. And sadly 100% of these rude comments where from other weight loss surgery patients. These people act like they know everything and that they themselves were never obese at one point. It doesn’t make sense to me. You should be the one person who understand what being obese feels like. And they criticize that you haven’t lost “enough” weight. They of all people should know that the journey I am not is not an easy one. My journey is my journey, not yours. This isn’t a competition to see who can loose the most in the quickest amount of time. To me, slow and steady wins the race. Why does weight loss have to be done in such a hurry? You do what feels best for you whether or not you have had surgery. I am honestly want to focus my attention on helping obese people live happier and healthier lives and if they lose a ton of weight in the process than that is an added bonus.  I know the common thought is that if you are obese than you are not healthy at all. But an obese person can strive and work towards a healthier lifestyle in many areas such as mental health, emotional health, physical health, and sexual health (yes, obese people have and enjoy sex too.) I wish America and it’s society could just accept obese people as actually people, the world would be a happier place for a lot of people who struggle with their   size.

 

Daily Inspirational Quote: “I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” ~Elwyn Brooks White

Milestone #1

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It was back to work today, it went pretty fast and then after work, I had a staff meeting at the hospital. I got there early so I decided to go to the gift shop to look around. They had a hoodie with the hospital logo on it that I wanted, the biggest size they had was a 2X, I was pretty sure that it was going to be too small, but I tried it on anyway and to my surprise it fit! I can’t even remember the last time that I fit a 2X hoodie or shirt for that matter. I have noticed that some of my regular shirts and tank tops have been getting bigger on me, but my scrub tops for work have been staying in the same size range which is a much bigger size than my regular shirts. So I guess this is milestone 1 for this week. After I got home from work, Patrick and I went out to do some errands, now we are back home for the evening and relaxing, I am really looking forward to taking a nice hot bath, I have been so sore in my back and shoulders lately, not really sure why either. I have also been consistently been getting bad headaches most evenings and am extremely tired all the time. I will have to see if I can bribe Patrick into giving me a back rub this evening. So far for tomorrow all I have planned is going to work and hopefully making another YouTube video while Patrick is at his staff meeting. I have kind of fallen behind on making them, but hope to get back into the groove soon. This past week I have really gotten caught up in my Facebook recipe group and cooking. Well I am hoping that when I weigh on my scale tomorrow morning at home that it is down again. My official weigh in at my bariatric psychologist’s office is on the 30th, I am hoping for another milestone then.

 

Daily Inspirational Quote: “The best six doctors anywhere. And no one can deny it. Are sunshine, water, rest, and air. Exercise and diet. These six will gladly you attend. If only you are willing.Your mind they’ll ease. Your will they’ll mend. And charge you not a shilling.” ~Unknown

Milestones Ahead?

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Today I saw the home scale move down again! It was nice to see it keep going down. 3 more pounds down on the home scale and I will be hitting another milestone, maybe by the end of the week. This afternoon Patrick and I did our grocery shopping for the week. Tonight I made Mexican Style Mac and Cheese. I also got ingredients to make an eggplant lasagna and lamb burgers at some point. The mac and cheese turned out excellent.

Mexican Style Mac and Cheese

  • 12 oz. of whole wheat elbow macaroni
  • 1/4 cup margarine
  • 1/4 cup flour
  • 2 cups fat free milk
  • 8 ounces Velveeta cheese made with 2% milk
  • 1 cup shredded fat free cheddar cheese
  • 1 can of black beans, rinsed and drained
  • 1/2 cup of salsa
  • 1/2 cup of red onion
  • 1/2 cup of green peppers
  • 1 garlic clove, minced
  • Multigrain tortilla chips (I really like “All Natural Tangos Multigrain & Flaxseed” tortilla chips) for garnish

Preheat oven to 350°F. Prepare macaroni according to package directions. Melt margarine in a large pan. Whisk flour into melted margarine to create a light roux (paste). Slowly whisk milk into the roux, whisking constantly to avoid lumps. Allow milk and roux to heat for about one minute, then begin adding the Velveeta. Continue to gently whisk the mixture until all Velveeta has melted, then add salsa and black pepper to taste. You can also add 2 scoops of unflavored protein powder to the cheese sauce at this time. In a skillet, saute onions, peppers, black beans, and garlic in olive oil.

Crush a serving of tortilla chips in a plastic bag and set aside.

Combine cooked macaroni, sauce, and mixture from the skillet. Once the macaroni, mixture and sauce are mixed together, transfer to a 9 x 13 baking dish. Cook uncovered for 25-30 minutes or until bubbly. Sprinkle 1 cup of shredded fat free cheddar cheese and crushed tortilla chips, return to oven until melted. Remove from oven and allow to cool for 5 to 10 minutes before serving.

Patrick's huge helping of dinner...and he's the smaller one of us?!

 

Before dinner we went to my parent’s house for a few hours to visit with my family. My parent’s just got back from Costa Rica a few days ago and they had some gifts for us. I got a beautiful bracelet made out of recycled wood, Costa Rican soap, a wooden owl, handmade butterfly magnets, and a bookmark in Spanish that says “The day of my trouble I will call, for thou wilt answer me. Psalm 86:7. God reached out to me from above, and his hand took me from the immense sea. Psalm 18:16.” While I was making dinner Patrick took down the Christmas decorations and the tree. It’s sad that it is a month after Christmas and we just got the stuff down. Tomorrow is back to work after a 3 day weekend off. I also have a staff meeting after work. Not sure what else we are doing tomorrow, might try to head to our new gym for a bit and at least walk around the track. I have a support group meeting on Wednesday that I am looking forward too. This week should be a good one. Hopefully full of some milestones.

 

Daily Inspirational Quote: “The wings of hope carry us, soaring high above the driving winds of life.” ~Ana Jacob

 

Promoting Bariatric Beginnings

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I must be getting serious about this whole Bariatric Beginning blog, last night I designed and ordered a hoodie to promote my blog. One the front is the blog name and the Buddhist symbol for transformation. Same symbol that I will be getting incorporating in my weight loss tattoo. 

On the back of the hoodie is one of my favorite quotes and the blog address.

 

I can’t believe how many views I have had on my blog  since it’s birth on July 30, 2011, 19,065 views! I also can’t believe that in 9 days this blog will be 6 months old! My blog’s Facebook page has 88 likes so far and my healthy recipe group has 71 members. I hope that I have helped or inspired at least one person out there to change their life, either physically or mentally.

Today I decide to make another before and current picture. I honestly look like a different person in my face and my stomach doesn’t stick out as far as it used to. I also noticed my back and butt are much flatter. I am seeing progress and I like what I see.

Daily Inspirational Quote: “Dreams are like stars…you may never touch them, but if you follow them they will lead you to your destiny.” ~Unknown