Wow this is the 500th post I have written here! I’m going to be honest with you, a few days ago I wasn’t sure that this post was every going to be written or that this post would be a goodbye post. Thursday was a rough day for me emotionally because I was doing a lot of “stinking thinking”, I did my weekly weigh in the day before and was down a few pounds AGAIN. But I never get excited because every other week my weigh goes up and down between the same five pounds, I’ve been stuck in this crazy cycle even though I’m eating the best I can and working out more than I have ever done in my life. Well I started thinking about how the rest of the WLS community must view me as a failure because I’m still fat and probably always will be on the heavier side. I’m never going to be the picture perfect WLS patient, no one is every going to ask me to do a WLS fashion show or hold me in high regards in this community because after all that I have been though I still look fat. I actually posted on my personal Facebook page to my friends that I was thinking that the time might be coming for me to remove myself from the WLS community. I was feeling that blogging and people’s expectations are starting to stress me out and were weighing heavily on my heart. Now no one has said anything about me being a failure (through in 2011, I got plenty of comments from some mean-spirited people in the WLS support groups) and no one said they have expectations for me to up hold. The only expectations that exist are my own and my expectations of myself are to be happy and healthy no matter what I look like on the outside and that’s what I want everyone to feel like. I think way too many people go into surgery thinking they are going to come out looking like a “supermodel” in the end and guess what very few people do and it’s usually after lots of reconstructive work which in itself is another long and difficult emotional battle. We need to learn to be happy with ourselves no matter what we end up looking like. Where our bodies decide to stop losing is where they stop and we have to accept that. I’m not saying that my body is done but maybe it is. Think about how much my body has been through these past three years, two different abdominal surgeries, tons of stress and years and years of depression and anxiety. Maybe this cycle (and the first time I’ve ever maintained as adult) is my body saying please let me stop. It wants me to keep the healthy and happy lifestyle going because it needs that but at the same time maybe it’s telling me it just needs a break. I’m writing this post tonight because I think of all the comments my friends said about how they enjoy my posts and most of all I am writing because I think of all the comments I get from strangers who have said that they find me inspirational. It’s all those things that are going to keep this train rolling. I am sure this post isn’t the cleanest for a 500th post, but I have always tried to write from deep down in my heart and that’s what I did tonight. I hope that my message shines through clear enough today, the only expectations that matter in this world of those that you hold of yourself to accomplish. In the end this is your body and if it makes you happy and you can do what you want how cares what it looks like in the end, who cares if it’s picture perfect, if you’re happy with it then love it whatever way it decides to look like when it’s done. You are more than the number on your scale, I can’t stress that enough so don’t ever let it define you or your success. Don’t get me wrong I love to lose a little bit more but if I don’t it should be the end of my world and I certainly shouldn’t look as myself as a failure. I’ve come a long long way those past three years and a long way these past 500 blog posts. To me that is true success.