Can’t Stress About It

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Just thought I would write a short little post to let you know that I am doing okay. Last night Patrick and I went to our concert, it was such an amazing show right on the lake, we had such a great time. I can’t wait until Staind comes back this way again. I have seen them eight times now and they are always amazing. Today we visited Patrick’s parents for the afternoon. It was nice to have an extra day off with Patrick this week, but sadly it’s back to work for both of us tomorrow. I only have 8 work days left until the end of the school year. Then I am off until the end of August. I have plans to keep busy this summer with getting my business off the ground, selling Mary Kay, and scanning old photos from Patrick’s side of the family. My hope is to get another job so that I can work this summer but so far all my interviews haven’t gone anywhere. I still haven’t heard back about the most recent one which I interviewed for about three weeks ago, so there is a little hope I guess. Things that are meant to happen will happen, I can’t stress about it and I won’t.

A picture from last night’s show.

 

Daily¬†Inspirational¬†Quote:¬†“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” ~Arnold Bennett

I Want To Grow

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I’ve decided to blog early today since Patrick was already writing his blog for the day. Tomorrow is back to work, my spring break is over. :( But it will be good to get back to my¬†regular¬†schedule of getting up at a earlier time, going to work, and making sure I go to bed at a decent time. During my vacation everything was completely thrown off. I started my semi-liquid diet this morning. So far, so good I guess. I don’t know that I will be able to do it for several weeks in a row, but I will start with this week so how it goes, then I will move forward with another week if needed. I don’t want to trap myself into saying I am going to do this for the next 3 weeks because that makes it feel like a prison sentence to me. I need to just take it one week at a time so that it doesn’t seem¬†unbearable. Patrick and I went and did a little walk but I didn’t do too much today because my blood sugars have been a little weird since going off my diabetes medications. It’s better than it was a few days ago, so I am hoping tomorrow they will be regulated out. We also stopped at the library. I got a book out called “Women, Food, and God.”¬†Even though I am not religious I have heard it is a good book and it is meaningful for those of all¬†religions¬†and those who are¬†non-religious.

I still have not heard back about the job I interviewed, it has been over 3 weeks and no word. I called human¬†resources¬†early last week to see if they had made a decision but no one returned my call. Online it says that the job is still under review and they haven’t closed it out off my application page. I am starting to give up hope about it even though I thought I did well. I really wish I could look for a better job elsewhere, I am stuck at my current employer because I have the benefits for my husband and I. Patrick is still only considered a “sub” at his job even though he works at least 3 days a week minimum if not more. I feel stuck and unable to grow. However, it would be stupid for Patrick to leave his job, because he really likes his job, it pays well, and he might be getting full time soon. I guess I just need to sit tight and wait, even though I have been doing that since December of last year.

 

Daily Inspirational Quote:¬†“Change happens when you understand what you want to change so deeply that there is no reason to do anything but act in your own best interest.” ~Geneen Roth

 

Change Can Be Amazing

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Once again Patrick and I had another lazy Sunday with one another. We might as well enjoy them while we can because I am sure soon he will have a job and have to work every other weekend. He has an interview on Wednesday for a nursing assistant position. Tomorrow he has an advising appointment for his web design certificate. Tomorrow is going to be busy, but honestly I like it that way sometimes. I have to work, but at least it’s only a 3 day week because of Thanksgiving. Tomorrow is my appointment with the¬†endocrinologist, I hope that goes well, I am mainly just looking for advise on whatever or not I should still be on diabetes medication. Tomorrow evening I have another personal training session, I am actually starting to look forward to them. I can’t believe that I am enjoying them but I am. Like it said it sucks while you are doing it, but the after effect and results to come make it worth it. Anyone who knows me personally probably can’t believe I just said that,, please pick your chin up off the floor. My goal during training tomorrow is to get through the whole session without saying “I can’t.” It’s my favorite phrase and I need to stop using it, it doesn’t get you anywhere. Tomorrow night Patrick and I are going to the comedy club in Cuyahoga Falls to see Mike Polk again. He is honestly our favorite¬†comedic.¬†¬†I am really looking forward to it.

I did my food log again. I still need to get 27.5 grams of protein in before the day is over. Nothing a protein shake won’t fix. I really need to find other sources of protein though. I don’t like meat very much and I don’t really remember what tofu tastes like. I think I had it a long time ago but don’t remember it. I know that tofu is suppose to take on the taste of whatever you cook it with. I guess I am just worried about the texture. The only meat I will honestly eat is chicken, lamb, and some seafood. Steak is okay, but I have to be in the mood for it. I don’t do fish¬†unless¬†it is freshly caught and even then I might not eat it. I will eat shrimp, crab, and¬†lobster¬†though, oh and canned tuna (in water of course.) I have no meat in the house right now other than the canned tuna.¬†Every time¬†I go shopping I usually don’t buy it because I know I will never eat it and then it is wasted. But in order to be successful this time around I need to try to add it to my diet. I think I will do some recipe searching when I am done blogging. A good site for other baratric patients is The World According To EggFace. I think I will go on there to see if she has any interesting recipes. I found a bunch of cans of black beans in my cupboard, might try to do something with them for tomorrow.

Change can be amazing, I can’t believe what a difference a few months can make. Last April, I was in the hospital again for wanting to kill myself, now those thoughts never cross my mind. I know now that suicide is the easy way out and who wants to be remembered for taking the easy way out? If you want to¬†challenge¬†yourself you need to suffer through the hard times. I wish I had felt this way in the beginning right after surgery. I know that I kind of wasted the first year after surgery because I was depressed all the time and overeating so much that I would throw up every day,¬†multiple¬†times a day. Now I rarely throw up, I only do if something doesn’t agree with me, which is usually rare now. I can still be successful thought and get this weight off just as long as I don’t give and keep trying. I want a baby so bad. That is my main motivation right now. I’ve just got to keep my eye on the prize aka a baby.

 

Daily Inspirational Quote:¬†‚ÄúBelieve in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.‚Ä̬†~Christian D. Larson

Another Non Scale Victory

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My day started off a little rocky, I was pretty sick this morning when I woke up, I honestly didn’t want to get out of bed and go to work, but I did. It was an extremely slow day at work, kind of boring actually. After work I can home and changed clothes to go to the gym. I was a little worried that I would be incapable of doing an hour workout, but¬†believe¬†it or not I actually felt better when it was over. After the gym I went and picked Patrick up from home and we ran some errands. Now we are back home and relaxing for the evening. I am so ready for a hot bath and my vaporizer again! I made the big mistake of turning the vaporizer off last night because it was glowing too brightly. It’s a waterless vaporizer and has a bright green light, it was bothering me last night so I had Patrick turn it off. Patrick only has two more days of nurse’s aide training and than he is done. Tomorrow is a busy day for me. After work, I have a counseling appointment and then later in the evening I have yoga class. I am looking forward to yoga, but my sister isn’t able to come which makes me sad. :( ¬†I am going to weigh in tomorrow which makes me a little nervous. I have been off the water pill for about a week now and am kind of afraid that I may still be retaining water even though they could find no real cause of the whole thing. I hope the scale doesn’t say I gained 10 lbs or something. Also I have been working out like a dog lately and might be gaining muscle too. I need to weight in though because I haven’t done so for about two weeks. I need to know what’s going on with my body.

I had a non scale victory today. The hubby got me an early Christmas gift, a new set of wedding rings, something a little nicer than what I had, but not huge in size or price. This set is white gold which I¬†prefer¬†to yellow gold which is what my original set is. Honestly I think the new set fits my¬†style¬†perfectly. I am saving my original set to pass down to my daughters (or sons), whatever I end up with. Anyway, the victory is that I have gone down a whole ring size since surgery. I used to have to wear a size 11 ring. But the new set in a size 10 and they fit perfectly. I love them so much and I haven’t taken them off since they arrived.

Well, time to sign off for the evening. I wish everyone a good night and an awesome day tomorrow!

 

Daily Inspirational Quote:¬†‚ÄúThe first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.‚ÄĚ ~Nathaniel Branden

You Need To Be Prepared For Change

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Patrick and I decided to spend the evening at home applying him to jobs to start after his nurse aide training and school. We are planning on going to the movies on Friday instead. Patrick applied to Stark State College of Technology for a web design certificate. It will take him 3 semesters. He is hoping to start this January. He is finally following his dreams I believe.

After work today, Patrick and I meet my parents at the gym. We worked out for an hour. I did some of the exercise bike and weight training. I am¬†upped¬†my weight on some of the machines. I still can’t lift what Patrick and my Dad do, they’re show offs! Tomorrow, I have yoga class in the evening and am hitting the gym after work on Friday. Good news, my blood test from the cardiologist came back negative. My kidneys are functioning fine, my¬†potassium¬†and electrolytes are excellent. I hope my echo-cardiogram comes back good too. I will know on the 8th.

On my online Facebook support group for the gastric sleeve, I have noticed a lot of people are commenting that they are regretting having the surgery done. I can relate to these people, I regretted my surgery in the beginning, well almost for the first year. Then one day something clicked, I’m still not sure what clicked or made me change. Only you can change your life and you have to want to do it. I guess the day I finally realized that I wanted to do something about my health is the day that something clicked. I do think that future or prospective patients need to make sure they do as much research as possible before being put under on the operating table. I have seen people post comments like I wish the sleeve or surgery was¬†reversible. I honestly think that type of comment requires seeking counseling. If you are regretted such a major life changing¬†decision¬†then you need to examine why you are having those feelings. I did this last spring by doing an¬†intensive¬†outpatient program. That is what really got me on the right track with my mental health, that and my counseling sessions with my¬†psychologist¬†at the¬†Bariatric¬†Center. Also getting on the right medications has helped. ¬†I advise anyone considering surgery or who has surgery planned should¬†definitely¬†consider a few counseling sessions with someone who specializes in¬†Bariatric¬†counseling and/or eating disorders before going under the knife. I honestly think that a psychological evaluation before surgery is not enough. I had an evaluation done and they let me have surgery even though I feel I was probably not ready for it at the time. But you life and you learn. Maybe they thought it was best to have me have surgery then before I had gained even more weight. I have to be thankful that I did have my surgery though, it’s gotten me to a weight I probably won’t have reached without it and it really helped me discover the real me.

 

Daily Inspirational Quote:¬†“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” ~Arnold Bennett

 

Recap of the day

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We spent the day in Columbus for my nephew’s 1st birthday party. He has gotten so big! It really made me definitely want to have kids in the future. We got home about 8 this evening, got in the bathtub and then made out party invites for my husband’s 30th birthday party coming up at the beginning of December. Now I am blogging before trying to head to bed early tonight. Both the hubby and I have to work tomorrow, he works 1st and 3rd shift tomorrow and I have work in the morning and then class in the evening. After blogging last night, we were trying to hang our clean clothes up in the bedroom closet when the hanging bar in the closet came off the wall. So now our clothes are on our desk in the bedroom and on the dining room table. Hopefully they can fix it tomorrow. Tomorrow I have to start a 3 day food journal to give to my¬†dietitian¬†on Thursday when I meet with her. I hope I really to do this! I’m not good at remembering to write things down. I am very exhausted this evening and can’t believe the weekend is over, I am so ready for Friday evening again! No actual weight loss topic for tonight as I am fairly brain dead after being in the car half the day. So, check back tomorrow for a good post.

Daily¬†Inspirational¬†Quote:¬†“Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are.” ~Soren Kierkegaard

Trying Harder

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It was a very active day for me, I went to the gym for a session with my personal trainer. I did the treadmill and the exercise bike with her, then I did weight training for my chest and shoulders. After the gym I went on a walk at the park with my parents as I waited for Patrick to get home from work. He’s home now, we had a small dinner. I was going to make a¬†Greek¬†dinner for us. But didn’t get home much before him, so he had soup and I had a Lean Cuisine. We’ll have the¬†Greek¬†dinner tomorrow. He can make it while I am at class. It will be lamb chops and couscous salad with feta cheese, tomatoes, and cucumbers. Work was good, kept busy. Tomorrow will be very busy, I have to work, then go straight to my counseling appointment, and then straight to class. I won’t be home until about 7 in the evening.

I tried a different method of eating today, I made sure to eat breakfast and took various things to snack on at work in a lunch bag that I got a Five Below, it’s really cute. I brought 2 cans of Light Lemonade, 2 granola thins (80 calories each), 2 small oranges, a fruit cup with no sugar added, and 2¬†organic¬†fruit strips. I only add the 2 granola thins, 1 small oranges, 1 fruit strips, and the fruit cup over the course of 5 hours. I drink one can of Light Lemonade. I will pack the same things for tomorrow. I had some cheese for protein before the gym and then my Lean Cuisine for dinner. I will have 1 more snack in a few hours.

I have a counseling appointment with my bariatric physiologist tomorrow. It will be good to talk to her about somethings that are going on in my head. I will also get weighed (cross your fingers for a loss.)

It’s only 6 in the evening and my husband already went to work and doesn’t have to go anywhere later, it feels weird, considering he’s worked night shift for the past 5 years. He might be taking a Monday-Friday, 8am-4pm job at the company he just got hired at, I would prefer that instead of the various shifts schedule. We’ll know more on Thursday. It would be nice for him to have that because I am off on the weekends too. I am not sure what we should do the rest of the evening. I need to get new tennis shoes soon, but not sure if I feel like going back out this evening, we’ll see what he wants to do if I can get him off his computer. If we don’t go this evening I will go Thursday after the gym. I actually need to buy a smaller size shoes, that’s so weird to me!

 

Daily Inspirational Quote: “The key to change… is to let go of fear.” ~Rosanne Cash¬†

Out of my mental funk

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Feeling a little better mentally this evening than I was last night and most of this day. I was really in a funk today, I wouldn’t say depressed, just in some sort of funk. Physically, I woke up with a cold this morning, I have a stuffy nose and keep sneezing. I went to the store and got some cold medicine, hopefully it helps. Work was a little hectic today, maybe it just seemed that way because I was in a mental funk. Who knows. I also had class this evening, got a 100% on my self reflection paper that I did a few weeks ago. Before heading to class I went over to visit my parents at their house and talked, it made me feel better. After class my husband and I went to the grocery store and got groceries for the next 2 weeks since we are both pretty busy this week. He started his new job this week, he is at training all this week. He didn’t even get home today until 6:30 due to traffic coming home. He has to be there a half hour early tomorrow to take some sort of test for his job. He seems beat today, I think I will give him a back massage before bed. Tomorrow, I am hitting the gym after work to have a personal training session with my trainer. It will feel good to workout. Class is online tomorrow so no going to campus! Patrick and I got new health insurance today, I won’t be able to go to the chiropractor anymore because my plan doesn’t cover any¬†chiropractic¬†services. Oh well, I’ll survive.

I went grocery shopping like I said earlier with the hubby, we got lots of fresh fruit and veggies and other healthy things. I am going to try even harder than I have been. I think I have been slacking on my protein, but not sure since I don’t track it. Maybe I should try that too. I know I mention to do this before, I guess I don’t practice what I preach. Well, it’s been a very long day and I am going to spend a bit of time with the husband before we go to bed. I promise a good blog tomorrow.

Daily¬†Inspirational¬†Quote:¬†“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit

What inside me made me change?

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Today was a nice relaxing day off of work, I started the morning out with a trip to the gym with my husband, Patrick and my dad. I need some weight¬†machines, free weights, and the exercise bike. I was going to do the treadmill for once but my calf’s were really bothering me from Thursday’s workout with my trainer. After the gym, we went and go my mother and did some shopping at a warehouse sale and some thrift stores. I got two books, an owl purse, and a¬†Confucius¬†statue. I also wrote a paper for school about the counselor I interviewed last Thursday, I got this paper done super early, it’s not even due until October 5. Patrick got some t-shirts and some books for himself.

Yesterday I promised you that I would answer the question “what inside me made me change?” I will try to answer this question to the best of my¬†abilities. I am still not 100% sure of the answer to this question. I am not sure if it was having so many people cheering me on to take on this¬†challenge¬†that my personal trainer had set for me or just having someone¬†challenging¬†me to do something that I didn’t think I could do. I just remember one day I woke up and felt different, I felt as if I had been freed of some chains that we binding me to the old Jessica. I felt as if large weights had been lifted off my shoulders. I just felt different. I am not sure what caused this change, was it because I was¬†actually¬†ready to finally change? But why now and not a year ago when I had surgery, I would have been so much more successful at the surgery if I had this mindset 14 months ago. However, maybe this happening the way it did will make me more successful in the long run. I have learned more about myself in the past few months that I have ever learned about in my¬†entire¬†28 years of¬†existence. I learned that I am a strong woman that can do anything, I have learned that I am a beautiful person no matter what I look like, I have learned that there are other people out there facing the same problems that I am and that I can be the one to help them. I have learned to try to forget the past, live in the present, and try not to focus on the future too much. Look below at today’s daily inspirational quote, one can spend their whole life searching for happiness not knowing that it was inside them the whole time. I wish I had realized this sooner, no one can make me happy but me. No dream, no addiction, or other person is going to feel the emptiness in my heart except me. I am glad however that I have realized this now and not as a lay on my deathbed dying from a problem because of my obesity. I and I only hold the power to change my life and where I go with it.

 

Daily Inspirational Quote: ‚ÄúPeople spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.‚ÄĚ ~Romana L. Anderson

“The Times They Are A Changin”

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I have exciting news to share today! Patrick has¬†accepted¬†a new job, he was offered a position at his interview this afternoon. He will be working as a security officer for a well known security company. It’s full time with benefits and higher paying than his current job. He will probably start at the beginning of October. In the beginning he will floating around to different locations and have a variable schedule, put they said they will try to find something¬†permanent¬†for him. We are very excited for this change in our lives. I will keep you updated as we learn more about the job.

Didn’t end up having a training session with my trainer today, she was¬†injured¬†and unable to come. So I headed to the gym with my parents instead. I did some treadmill, some biking, and some weight training. I rescheduled to have a session with my trainer for Thursday evening. Earlier this evening I went Halloween costume shopping with Patrick, my brother, his girlfriend, and their friend. It was fun to look at all the costumes. I don’t know if we will dress up and do anything this year or not. I don’t know what my costume would be if I did anyway. Ideas?

After writing my blog on food addiction last night, I decided that I am going to take the addictions elective track in school instead of the child and¬†adolescents track. I also think I would prefer to work with adults after all. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy children and work with them currently. I just think adults is the way to go.

I have been thinking about my addiction today since writing yesterday’s blog. I am curious what triggered it, I think I know but can’t be sure. Most addictions usually have some root cause, an emotional trigger can possibly set off an addictions. My incident with my high school boyfriend is mostly likely the trigger that set me off. I don’t recall having¬†compulsive overeating behaviors before it happened. I am excited to learn more about addictive behavior next year in school.

 

Daily¬†Inspirational¬†Quote: “All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” ~Anatole France¬†