In 2010 at my heaviest weight of 418 pounds (the highest I’ve seen on a scale, but my surgeon’s office has 416) I had a 20″ neck and a 69″ waist. Three long rough years and two surgeries later (remember to check out the about section if you don’t know my story) I am down 102 pounds from 418 pounds and I have lost 4.5″ off my neck and 16.5″ off my waist. And more comes off with each passing month. I finally got of my plateau last week! My next follow up in two months from today so I think it is very likely that I will be weighing in under 300 pounds at that appointment, I’m getting close only need to lose 17 pounds to get there. That would be the first time in 10 years that my weight would start with the number 2! That will be a big meaningful day when it arrives.
I rarely talk about numbers here but I figured I’d share some today since numbers are a part of the weight loss surgery journey. But they aren’t the most important thing believe it or not, at least not to me. On the journey of mine I have learned about some many other important successes, like the fact I’ve completed four 5K races or I no longer require tons of anti-depressants or anti-anxiety pills to function. Or that I am successfully working a full time job for the first time in over two years. So remember on your journey to look at the other amazing things that you’ve accomplished not just numbers on the scale. They don’t determine your worth or make you who you are, they are just a small part of who you are.
Here is a weight loss surgery journey success! Completing my 4th 5K run and with a big smile on my face.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “Success is a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you’re tired. You quit when the gorilla is tired.” ~Robert Strauss
MY NEXT WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY SUPPORT CHAT IS TUESDAY, MAY 28 AT 7:00 PM (EST) AT HTTP://BARIATRIC.OLI.US
I made a ”before and current” new side by side this afternoon, this time a did a front view shot to go with an old front view photo that I had of me at my heaviest back in 2010. I put them side by side and was shocked (in a good way) of what I saw. I saw a completely different person.
I’m a different person in so many ways. The person on the left was unhappy and had to force a smile in all her pictures and the person on the right is naturally happy (most of the time, lol!) The person on the left gave no thought or care about her future or what she did or put into her body, she figured she would just eat herself to death. The person on the right is planning for a future and tries her best to take care of her body by eating right and exercising. The person on the left coped with her emotions by binge eating. The person on the right tries to cope by writing, listening to music, or stringing beads. The person on the left was dull, flat, over-medicated and lifeless. The person on the right is full of life and tries to find the joy in everything.
Now that I am a different person, I wish I could go back to three years ago and talk to that person on the left and tell her that she did have a bright future ahead of her, I would tell her that it would be a long, rough road but that she would triumph through it and be more amazing that she had every been before. That she would be able to make her dreams come too. That she just needed to never give up, that she needed to keep going.
What would you tell your old self if you could?
Daily Inspirational Quote: “Once you have come to know how great you are, then your mind, heart and soul will not let you give up.” ~Shubhanshu Tiwari
Plateaus, they suck, but you can’t let them get you down! If we let every plateau we hit in our journey get us down we’d never get any farther in our journey. I’m at a plateau myself right now (nearing 4 months out from my bypass) but I’m not letting it get me down and I know it’s only temporary. A plateau just means it is time to shake things up to get things moving again.
What are someways you try to get off a plateau when you hit one? I’m going to try to increase my exercise by spicing up my exercise routine. I’m going to increase my water intake and protein intake to more than my minimum set by the nutritionist. And most of all I’m going to remember that this is a marathon not a spirit, I’m not in a race to with anyone else. This is my journey and I’m get there now matter how long it takes me.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you’re willing to work.” ~Oprah Winfrey
I found an awesome image on Pinterest this afternoon and I’ve already printed a copy of it out to put on the mirror in my bedroom, it’s a great reminder to not give up every time a little bump happens or after a mistake you might have made. Just because you’ve screwed up one day or maybe ate something one day that isn’t in the WLS diet doesn’t mean you’re doomed for failure, it just means you’ve made a mistake, you need to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start new tomorrow. If you give up so easily after one setback or mistake than you will never get where you need or what to go.
Setbacks are a part of any journey, especially the WLS journey. Setbacks are a part of life. A successful person is someone who keeps going despite a setback, major or minor. Like it in picture below don’t go slash all your tires just because one is flat, you take that tire to the repair shop, fix it and then keep going. So in the WLS journey, to fix your “tire” sit back and look at your setback and see how you can move on from it and think of ways to prevent it from happening again. I know that doesn’t work for all setbacks that come up in life such as a death in the family or a major life stressor. I speaking more about the setbacks that we might have created ourselves, like skipping the gym all week (guilty.) I didn’t go at all last week because I had started my new job and was adjusting to my new schedule but instead of beating myself up about it and call myself a failure, I sat down and looked at my upcoming schedule for the week and have worked it in.
Another possible setback in my life could be is slow weight loss, but it’s only a setback if I let it be and I choose not to. Many people out there in WLS community compare themselves to others, especially those who had surgery around the time you did. I did that for so long and it’s not healthy, it crushes your soul and spirit, well at least it did to mine. It’s taken me a long time to not compare myself to anyone else because my journey is my journey and to me it doesn’t matter how long it takes me as long as I get there. As long as I’m losing who cares how slow. My body is different. I know many people don’t agree with that statement and that’s fine but that is how I choose to look at my journey and my surgeon has said to me many times over that this is a marathon not a sprint for me and I need to remember it. So what if it takes me two years to get to a point that it might take someone else one year to get too, hey at least I’ll get there. It’s a personal journey not a competition.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.” ~Marquis de Condorcet
Many people get easily upset when their scale doesn’t reflect what they feel or it doesn’t reflect all their hard work. During the first stretch of my journey I put a lot of emphasis on what the tiny box had to say. But then I realized that the number on the scale is no indicator of my worth, my beauty, or even my hard work. That last one might puzzle you, you may think well if you’re eating right and exercising the number on the scale should reflect that. In many cases it does, but there are several times in my journey and I’m sure in yours that the number isn’t what you expected or wanted it to be. Instead of get down about it and calling myself a failure, I look back and re-evaluate that I’m doing my best at everything. If I believe that I am, I continue those behaviors and check again later. Sometimes, I feel like I’m one of the few WLS bloggers who doesn’t post every single pound their lost every time they weigh in. I post at month markers and/or my appointments. Honestly, I don’t even weigh often at home, maybe every two weeks. I weigh in to make sure that I’m losing well because I did have surgery to help reduce my weight and I need to make sure I’m on the right track, but I don’t make it a habit because one day you might be down 2 pounds and then the next day you’re up 4 pounds. I see so many people get bent out of shape about that. Your body is a crazy but magically thing and your weight fluctuates all the time. I’m sure right now in the evening that I weigh more than I did this morning, but I’m not going to flip out about it because that’s natural. Weighing yourself constantly brings on a lot of unnecessary heartache and it isn’t necessary to weigh yourself every single day. If your someone how does that and gets easily upset by the numbers try weighing yourself every Friday or if you can stand it every other Friday instead of every single day and you’ll probably be much happier with what your scale has to say.
To me my journey is about so much more than numbers. Yes, numbers have a place in the WLS journey but they aren’t the most important thing. So many other changes take place, many that are forgotten. What about all those non-scale victories (which means it doesn’t have anything to do with numbers on the scale) that happen on your journey? Just this weekend I had a NSV that my fingers are officially not as big around as my husband’s! His wedding ring is a little tight on him and when he wears the ring it leaves an indentation on his finger. If I put it on it’s too big! I should also add that my own wedding ring is entirely too big now. Good thing I don’t wear it much since getting my wedding date tattooed on there, which is more my style anyway. I plan on re-sizing it one day when I’m at my goal. Or what about the fact that I can go on a walk without getting short of breath, I can even run now. Or how I have healthier behavior and enjoy exercise now. Or what about the most important one of all, that I feel better in all aspects of my life.
Original image from goaltogetfit.tumblr.com
We are so quick to place the value or success of our journey on that stupid box. It doesn’t define who you are or how you should feel about yourself. It tells you how much you weigh, nothing else. I’ve had several people tell me I’m selling myself short to think I won’t get under 2oo pounds, I think I’m being realistic. My doctor said 200-230 and I’m fine with that because I will be able to do what I want and to be that when I use to be 418 pounds, believe I am cool with that. Who cares if the scale doesn’t end up saying 190. That number doesn’t define me, it says what I weigh nothing else. I can’t and don’t let it have control over my happiness and my life. This didn’t come overnight or easily, it’s taken me over two years to come to that place where I don’t obsess over the scale or where I will place the success of my journey on the “final number,” because during my journey I’ve learned that I am more than a number, I am me, fat or thin, I am Jessica.
Original image from theberry.com
Daily Inspirational Quote: “I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.” ~Virginia Satir
Amazing news here in my personal life, I was offered a new and better job this afternoon, full time and year round! I’ve working at a school for the past two years. So this is big for me! I’ll be working with adults with developmental disabilities in a day program/job center. So far this seems to be my year, I am looking forward to having a huge financial stress removed with the job.
Patrick and I attended a concert Tuesday night, we saw Aaron Lewis who is the lead singer of my favorite band Staind. He many did things off his solo albums but he did throw in a few Staind songs. He sang on of my most favorite songs and one of which has extremely deep personal meaning. The song is called “So Far Away” and he sang it acoustically and slowly, it was amazing! I could honestly die a happy girl. I started crying actually during the song just because it was so powerful to me. The words are very meaningful to me and my journey. I’m going to share the words on here, read them, maybe you can relate to some of them. This song means so much to me. Music can truly heal you. Music has helped me so much through this journey of mine. As WLS remembrance tattoo, I have some song lyrics from a song tattooed on my right leg. They are also from a Staind song called “Believe”. The tattoo states “Believe in me,
Cause I was made for chasing dreams.” Do you have a song that means a lot to you?
“So Far Away” by Staind
This is my life
It’s not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before
Somebody shake me ’cause I
I must be sleeping
Now that we’re here, it’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
And all the mistakes, one life contained
They all finally start to go away
And now that we’re here, it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
And I can forgive
And I’m not ashamed to be
The Person that I am today
These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing okay
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before
Somebody shake me ’cause I
I must be sleeping
Now that we’re here, it’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
And all the mistakes, one life contained
They all finally start to go away
And now that we’re here, it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive
And I’m not ashamed to be
The Person that I am today
I’m so afraid of waking
Please don’t shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don’t shake me
Now that we’re here, it’s so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
And all the mistakes, one life contained
They all finally start to go away
And now that we’re here, it’s so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
And I can forgive
And I’m not ashamed to be
The Person that I am today
Don’t forget to vote for me, you’ve got until Friday! I was nominated Monday in two categories in The 2013 Backstage Pass WLS Awards, “Outstanding Weight Loss Surgery Community Member” under Jessica Dickey and “Most Inspiring Story” under Bariatric Beginnings. No matter what the outcome is, just for me to have just been nominated is winning enough in my book. I invite you to read a little about what I’ve been there these past three years if you don’t know it here: http://bariatricbeginnings.com/2013/03/18/never-turn-back/ And remember to vote for my surgeon Dr. Zografakis too! Vote here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1_b9ZI8iiMaT3eWyaqr_wziC027WrA80RWcp9HyJ4xf0/viewform#start=openform
Daily Inspirational Quote: “Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.” ~C. JoyBell C.
Three years ago I couldn’t have ever imagined that my life would be the way it is today or that the last three years would have gone the way they did. Three years ago I sat in the surgeon’s office weighing in at over 400 lbs, diabetic, bi-polar (supposedly) and only 26 years old. I was there to see about getting gastric bypass surgery. Within a few minutes my dream was crushed, my surgeon didn’t feel comfortable performing bypass on me for two reasons, I was too big (I didn’t know there was a weight limit for bypass at the time) and I was bi-polar having been diagnosed a year before by a psychiatrist. He did tell me however that he would perform gastric sleeve surgery on me so that there wouldn’t be any mal-absorption problems with the seven anti-psychotic medications I was on. I was also told me that if I ever got to a better point mentally and wasn’t on as many medications that he would later perform the bypass if need. My insurance at that time covered no surgeries and in an effort to help to me turn my life around my parents graciously helped cover the expenses, something that I can never repay them for but am forever grateful. That appointment and those events changed and shaped my life more that I would have ever realized, that appointment was exactly three years ago today on March 18, 2010.
Four months after that appointment and another co-morbidity diagnosis of sleep apnea later I underwent gastric sleeve surgery on July 12, 2010 and it was after that surgery that my life began to fall apart even more than it already was. My depression became even more severe and I continued to try to nurture myself with food. My weight loss was minimal, though I did get to go off my diabetes medications for a bit before going back on them for a brief time. Five months after my surgery and right after Christmas I told everyone I wanted to kill myself, that I didn’t want to go on like this anymore. I checked myself into the hospital before I actually tried to hurt myself. After getting out and going back home things didn’t improve at all and by April 2011 I was back in the hospital again. I hated myself and my life and to add to it I had kind of screwed up my surgery in my mind. I was so depressed that I didn’t utilize those key 6-12 months afterwards so my weight loss was minimal compared to many others that I tried to turn to for support, most online support group people quickly called me a failure. After my last hospitalization and attending intensive outpatient therapy, I decided to get a second opinion on this bi-polar diagnosis I had received a few years earlier. I can’t tell you want made me decide to do that, but I did and went to a new psychiatrist and was told that my problem was just very severe depression. My anti-psychotic medications where changed to anti-depressants and anxiety medications and by July 2011 things started to get a little better. I started writing about all my feelings and issues which started this blog which I have been writing now for 20 months now. Something clicked that summer that made me realize that my life and changing it where my responsibility By January 2012 and my 18 month follow up I had managed to lose another 30 pounds all on my own. I competed two 5Ks in 2012 and started my own online support group in July of 2012 shortly after my two year anniversary from surgery, also at that time I decided that I was ready to have the gastric bypass. I had drastically turned my life around both mentally and physically but I was still severely obese. I couldn’t do everything I wanted. My body had not caught up with where my mind ended up. In October a few days after going off my last anti-depressant medication I got the news that my gastric bypass surgery was approved by my insurance company to be paid in full. Two months ago I finally underwent the gastric bypass surgery I had hoped for those long three years ago. I have done almost the same amount of weight loss in these two months than I did with the entire first surgery. Many people who don’t know me or take the time to understand what the last three years were like to me are quick to call me a failure and for a long time I believed them. But you know what, three years ago I didn’t care about myself or even about living. My first surgery wasn’t a failure to me and some people would say that the first surgery was a waste of money or that my surgeon screwed my over by doing this. But I don’t see it that way and neither does my family. That fist surgery helped saved my life but just in a different way than you’d expect. Three years ago I would have never imagined in my wildest dreams what my life was going to be like or what I would have to go though to have a life I was proud of living. But each day I mover further and further down the road and as I keep going down that road called my life I know not to turn back because I’m not going that way.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” ~Steve Maraboli
I’m 2 months out from my gastric bypass surgery today. I’m happy to announce that I am down 50 lbs, that number includes my pre-op diet loss! I asked a question on the Bariatric Beginnings Facebook page a few days back about when telling someone how much you lost from your surgery did/do you include what you lost on your pre-op diet (if you did one) or just want you’ve lost since the actual surgery took place? I noticed last month that my surgeon’s office was including what I lost on my pre-op diet in my total pounds lost. That’s nice to include! I’ve just been sharing what I lost since the actual surgery and not including the 18 lbs I lost on my pre-op diet. So I asked for their opinions and had about 36 people respond and all but one person said they count from the weight at the beginning of their pre-op diet. I think that’s a good idea because that pre-op diet is very much a part of the surgery process and weight that you lost. If I go from my heaviest weight ever which I was at back at the beginning of 2010 I have lost 96 lbs! I had my monthly counseling appointment this afternoon and both my psychologist and I reflected on how much I have changed both physically and mentally since first coming to the surgery center in 2010. Stay turned for a special post on Monday which marks exactly 3 years since my first ever appointment with my surgeon.
50 pounds lighter baby!
This morning I wrote a little piece on the Facebook page, here’s what I shared and I mean every word of it. I never want to be one of those WLS bloggers that makes you feel miserable about your decisions or your lifestyle, whether good or bad. I’m nowhere close to perfect and never will be because to me perfect doesn’t exist. Anyone who tells you they are perfect on their journey is a liar. On this journey you are bound to make mistakes that’s just human nature. But instead of being depressed about those mistakes you just need to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and keep going. I am here to share my unique story and offer support. I want to be one of those people in the WLS community that you feel safe coming too when things aren’t going quite right in your journey. I am the last person in the world to judge people for making mistakes after surgery. Surgery does not fix our brains. I know that mistakes will be made occasionally but instead of making you feel terrible for them I want to be here for support. I know I ranted about someone about a month ago, I’m sorry for that. Their choices really upset me and I didn’t want to see them ruin a wonderful thing so early in the game. Something wonderful that many are denied. But I promise, this is me from here on forward. I’m here for you without judgement. Please feel safe to talk to me, that’s why I share my story to show you that WLS surgery and it’s journey are far from a perfect thing. We’re all human!
Daily Inspirational Quote: “Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else.” ~Les Brown
Sorry if it seems lacking in the personal weight loss surgery update department here with me, but there really hasn’t been much to update at this point. Hey no news is good news right?! I’m doing really well, I haven’t had any issues other then the two irritated incisions which are doing better this week, the antibiotic cream really seem to help. I’ve been working my butt off at the gym getting ready for my first 5K of the year on April 13. Just finished week 3, day 2 on my training this afternoon. It’s hard to believe I’ll be 2 months out next week on the 14th, wow that flew by quick! I don’t have another follow up or official weight in with my surgeon until April 18 for my 3 month follow up. I do have counseling next week at the bariatric center and may decide to weigh in at that point since my floors at home making weight on my scale impossible! Guess you’ll just have to check back on the 14th and see if I posted a weight or not.
I try not to post numbers a lot (or honestly fret about them…even though I do sometimes) because this journey of mine is about so much more than that. It’s about being healthy and being able to enjoy life more. Not being just a mere spectator. I will be turning 30 in 3 months and I want to make those years and the remainder of my life the best years ever. I want to enjoy my children (if I have any) and their children. I want to be able to live life to the fullest. I never again want to stay I can’t do something because of my weight. I want to be able to say count me in. Yes the medical community looks at numbers and I’m not saying that numbers aren’t important. But if I stop losing and still weigh 200 lbs I’m not going to be upset because I used to be 418 lbs and barely able to take care of myself. It’s not likely that I will ever weigh 160 lbs again, I know this and my doctor knows this. But he said to me it’s able being healthy and being able to live and enjoy life. Yes, there is a part of me inside that wants to see onederland, but I know that might not be possible because I started so big. It’s still early, only 7 weeks out, so time and hard work will tell. My personal goal is to be able to do everything in my life that I dream of doing and I feel myself getting closer every day. Whatever I end up being on the scale I know one thing, I’m in a better place than I was 3 years ago and that to me is success.
Here’s a current pic at 7 weeks out…consider yourself lucky, you’re seeing me without makeup, I don’t do that much anymore.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “I think that we are like stars. Something happens to burst us open; but when we burst open and think we are dying; we’re actually turning into a supernova. And then when we look at ourselves again, we see that we’re suddenly more beautiful than we ever were before!” ~C. JoyBell C.
I saw this on Daily Spark today in an article called 8 Reasons Why You’re Not Losing Weight, click here for the full article. One particular item from the article stood out,”You’re not measuring the right things.” No they aren’t taking about food, they are talking about our bodies. The article states “A lot of people complain that they’re not seeing the scale move, even though they are losing inches and clothing sizes. Despite these obvious signs that they’re getting leaner, they still want to see the scale change.” Boy I can related to that over all these years!
The article also says “If you are noticing other improvements in your body shape or size, you are losing fat. The scale might not always reflect that you’ve lose weight—but ultimately it is the shape of your body and the amount of lean muscle vs. body fat you have that shows you’re making progress.” I am already at 5 weeks out seeing things on my home scale that in the past would upset me. My body fat percentage has gone down 1.5% in just one week but it’s saying I gained a three pounds since my since my official weigh in last week!? In the past I would have gotten extremely upset and cried about it and nursed my emotions with food. But this time instead of getting upset and worrying about it, I am looking at things that I did this week for a possible explanation. I started running and lifting weights this week, which included completing week 1 of my 5K training, my body hasn’t ran since last August. I also looked at my intake on My Fitness Pal, I am getting all my protein in and staying at my calorie goal. In the end, one weigh in at home doesn’t mean I’m doomed to failure. There will be weeks like this for the rest of my life. Heck tomorrow I could be back down those 3 pounds or more, but I won’t know because I’m not going to weigh myself until next Friday, or maybe I won’t weight myself until my 2 month out date. If I weigh everyday it becomes an obsession. Once a week is the most I can allow myself to do, nothing else. My surgeon suggested not weighing at home at all, I have to remember what he said last week, this is a marathon not a spirit, do the right things and in the end it will all work out.
The body is a crazy thing, you have to remember that it’s constantly changing and there are going to be days that the scale just doesn’t add up to what you’ve been doing. But as long as you keep eating right and exercising that scale will move. I know I’m doing the right things and I will keep doing them, my clothes continue to get looser, I fit into a 2X t-shirt from a 5K race I ran last year. That’s the biggest size they offered and it was free so I got that size in hopes that one day I could wear it, today was that day, I wore it to the gym. It’s things like that show me I’m moving in the right direction even when the scale isn’t. The takeaway from the article “don’t just rely on the scale to measure your weight loss. That number won’t really tell you everything you need to know.” Wise words.
Daily Inspirational Quote: ”Don’t be discouraged. It’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.” ~Israa Ali
