July 18, 2012
Once again the weather here as turned crazy hot. So thankful that I have air conditioning this year. To think the past six year we didn’t have it and that was when I was at my heaviest weight. I remember recovering from surgery two years ago without it, that sucked. Patrick and I are going on a mini vacation Friday through Monday, we are going down to the Oxford, Ohio area. I am excited to be going somewhere since we didn’t think we would be able to go anywhere. Luckily, Patrick has four days off in a row and we are able to stay at my parent’s vacation place down there. Packing and deciding what to do tomorrow while Patrick is at work. He already got his stuff together this evening so I don’t have to worry about that.
I found an interesting article yesterday about teenagers and bariatric surgery. It’s a hot topic, some people think that it is a bad idea for a teenager to have surgery, others consider it a good option. Here is the article, what’s your opinion? http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/06/14/2898880_p2/gastric-measures.html
Daily Inspirational Quote: ”When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.” ~Peace Pilgrim
June 21, 2012
I am certain I have officially turned back into a woman. I had a pedicure and manicure with a family friend and her friend from out of town who is also a fellow WLS’er (who I meet for the first time today). This is the first time since I got married five years ago that I have gotten my nails done, I only had it done then because hey, it was my wedding day. It was nice to just go and be pampered especially on a part of my body I have neglected so much even though it is such an important part, it carries you and your weight through out the day and should be treated respectful. I even got them colored a neon pick color for the hell of it.
Nothing like feeling like a princess for the afternoon!
I can’t wait for my husband to get home from work in 45 minutes he has been at work all day and hasn’t seen my nails yet. He knew I was going but never sees me in nail polish. It took me forever to start wearing makeup and now I sell it. I have gone from completely not caring about my appearance at all to full on girl! It feels good to take care of yourself and your appearance, it really does make you feel more like a person and a woman. That’s the one thing I like about makeup and selling Mary Kay makeup, you are enriching someone’s life with something so small. Even in hard times, women also want to feel beautiful. I know feeling beautiful inside and out has made all the difference in my life. You need to feel beautiful inside to have your outside beauty shine through to the world.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep.” ~Vernon Howard
June 20, 2012
Sorry for another long hiatus. I promise I am back for good now! I have been weaning off my anxiety medication. Mentally I have been doing great. I did get pretty sick the last few days due to withdrawal symptoms. This morning was the first day that I feel really good physically. I can’t wait to have everything detoxed out of my system for good. Water has been my friend. I have gone from 6 daily medications down to 1 daily medication and 1 as needed. It feels great not to feel like a zombie trapped in my own head. I choose to stay on my Celexa as I feel that pill as been a key part in my recovery. I am keeping the Atvian on hand for when I get a real bad panic attack and am unable to bring myself out of it. So far that hasn’t really become an issue.
Patrick started his new job last weekend at a nursing home down the street from us. He really seems to like it and you can’t beat the minute commute to and from work. He is working 12 hour shift, so he only has to work 3 days a week to be full time and have benefits. But I know he will pick up extra hours since he is just that kind of guy. I found out the school I am going to be placed at next year, it’s another elementary school so I am very happy about that. I enjoy working with that age group the most and wanted to continue to work with that group. With being off work, I have been trying to keep busy with reading and working on my business plan. I actually took my computer and went to Panera to work for a bit today. I felt that if I worked away from home there would be less distraction. I started on my company’s mission statement, goals, objectives, and possible services, I felt like I was back in graduate school!
As much as I enjoy selling Mary Kay to my friends and family, I have come to realize that is not what I want to do with the rest of my life. My business idea has been my ultimate dream and I plan to carry it out. I love the friends that I have made through Mary Kay and am not going to stop selling, I just have realized that my dream is far different from other’s in my unit and that it is better for me to focus my energy on my business goal and my personal life goals. Selling cosmetics was meant for me to bring a little extra money into my pocket, nothing else.
I think I have found out who I really am both in a good and a bad way this past year. I need to be me and not what others what me to be.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.” ~Unknown
June 12, 2012
Some days I am asked how much more weight do you want to lose. For a long time before I accepted myself I would say lots. After coming to terms with my self and my body these past few months I have told myself that my most important health and life goal is to be more than I have ever been before.
I want to be successful in my career, whatever that ends up being. I know that the job I have now is not what I was meant to do for the rest of my life. Is it selling Mary Kay which I have done decently well with for my first quarter. Or is it eventually starting my dream business. I am young, things will work themselves out.
I want to remain as healthy as I can be. Sure I am still a plus size woman but I eat as healthy as I can and I try to exercise. I do a lot more than the world gives me credit for.
I no longer want to be dependent on anxiety medications. I have been getting to the point after being on several anxiety medications for the past year that it is time to go off them and try to see if I can manage my anxiety on my own. I mainly just take things at night so I would like to go off these “sleeping” pills and try something more natural like meditation or Melatonin which has worked for me in the past. I see the doctor on Monday and will voice my opinion then. I know she will be on board with this. The only pill I would like to keep is my Celexa which is my wonder drug. I also think that the 5 different anxiety/sleeping things I am on are hindering my weight loss. This goes along with the birth control I started back on in April. It has really affected my weight with out an bad changes to my diet. I eat better now that I have ever before, but put back 10 lbs in like 2 weeks. My gynecologist today said that it was the birth control. So my husband and I talked and decided that we will be stopping the birth control pill and just use other methods. All these pills are not worth it to me if it is going to hinder my weight loss attempts. I can try to go off these things and see if it helps.
I have come so far in the past 23 months (today) since surgery. It is hard to believe in a month it will be 2 years. The last year has really flown by and I have experienced so many great times that the bad things that have happened have already left my thoughts. I can’t be unhappy about those bad things, I know things happen for a reason, I just wish I know the reason sometimes. But it is just part of my journey and it is better to except the bumps in the road and keep going. Don’t give up on whatever you are working on.
Daily Inspirational Quote: ”Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.” ~Anne Frank
June 10, 2012
As I begin my first week off work this summer I am faced with some decisions that I need to make about my future business endeavors. I am trying to decide between starting my own business that is based upon some ideas from my blog which would incorporating my Mary Kay business into it or just solely focusing on my Mary Kay business. I have made pros and cons of both. I have done will with my Mary Kay business this first quarter and feel like I could do even better this next quarter. The plus side to the Mary Kay business is the business plan is already written and is being used my others. My personal business idea would require me to write my business plan which I have begun to write already but it would also need all the areas that I would want to cover written. Also which has a bigger audience. My personal business would deal just with people of size. My Mary Kay business deals with people of all shapes and sizes. Either way though, I want people to feel good about themselves. Decisions, decisions.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.” ~Keri Russell
May 29, 2012
I was turned down from a job again. I finally heard back about the interview I had three weeks ago that went so well. I trying to be upbeat but it is hard when all you hear is no. I was upset for about an hour but then I was over it. To me it is just another sign that I am suppose to start my business by the end of the summer. I will focus on that and selling my Mary Kay and then in August return to my job in the school clinic. I am so happy that I only have seven more days left, I will miss most of my co-workers and all the students, it’s a shame that they are closing our school. But that’s part of life and I have to accept it too. I think I came to accept it about a month ago. But I think it will hit me hard next week. I have such a close tie with this school and all the students, I know there will be many tears next week from both staff, students, and me.
It’s time to be strong and not give up. It’s full speed ahead.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working.” ~Unknown
May 28, 2012
Just thought I would write a short little post to let you know that I am doing okay. Last night Patrick and I went to our concert, it was such an amazing show right on the lake, we had such a great time. I can’t wait until Staind comes back this way again. I have seen them eight times now and they are always amazing. Today we visited Patrick’s parents for the afternoon. It was nice to have an extra day off with Patrick this week, but sadly it’s back to work for both of us tomorrow. I only have 8 work days left until the end of the school year. Then I am off until the end of August. I have plans to keep busy this summer with getting my business off the ground, selling Mary Kay, and scanning old photos from Patrick’s side of the family. My hope is to get another job so that I can work this summer but so far all my interviews haven’t gone anywhere. I still haven’t heard back about the most recent one which I interviewed for about three weeks ago, so there is a little hope I guess. Things that are meant to happen will happen, I can’t stress about it and I won’t.
A picture from last night’s show.
Daily Inspirational Quote: ”Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” ~Arnold Bennett
May 23, 2012
Sorry I didn’t blog last night, some Tuesday evenings I attend my Mary Kay training’s and that makes for a late night sometimes. I really enjoy going. I get to see my fellow Mary Kay girls and learn new things for my Mary Kay business as well as major motivation that applies to both my Mary Kay business and my personal life.
So I am taking the first steps to building the company of my dreams. I have picked a name and have started writing a business plan. My goal is to have my business plan completed over the next few weeks. It’s time to fulfill goal number two of the this year, get my business off the ground.
I found another great image of off Pinterest that I just had to share. What a great way to look at weight loss, from now one I am going to say I got rid of X number of lbs instead of I lost X number of lbs. You’ll notice that I stopped sharing my number with you, one reason is because I have stabilized and haven’t had any huge changes in the last several weeks. I actually went up a few lbs after starting birth control pills four weeks ago, but I am already starting to go back down on the scale. My main reason is that to me you can live a healthier life and still be a number that society doesn’t feel is healthy or is scary, because I think the thought of a person of size actually not stuffing their face with McDonalds at every meal is scary to people. Is someone who is 110 lbs, smokes a pack a day, doesn’t exercise, and eats what ever they want really healthier than me? I might be a “scary” number but I eat as healthy as I can, I don’t smoke, I try to exercise regularly, and I am capable of running a huge chunk of a 5K run. Want to tell me again that I am unhealthy?
Daily Inspirational Quote: “When all’s said and done, all roads lead to the same end. So it’s not so much which road you take, as how you take it.” ~Charles de Lint
April 16, 2012
It was my first day back at work today since being off for spring break. It went fine, though it was such a nice day out today that it made it harder to be there. I was so glad that the day went fast. After work, I went to the bank and the post office before heading to my counseling appointment. It felt good to talk to someone about my feelings that I am not willing to share on here yet. It’s okay to have feelings that you want to keep private from your loved ones. Sometimes it is good for me to just have things that I talk about with my counselor. I also did a little work on my Mary Kay business this evening.
I have been developing a little nighttime anxiety again, not really sure why. It is making it hard to fall asleep some nights which leads to problems because I am already having a hard time making myself go to bed at night because I want to stay up and work on things. I get really anxious if I try to make myself go to bed too early so that is not a good situation to put myself in at night.
I still have felt a little bit low since last week when I felt really down. Not about any one thing in particular, just small things. No one needs to worry about me slipping back into depression, because I don’t think that will happen. But I just want so many things in life that I can’t have right now and there are days I lived a million miles away from most of civilization. I am disgusted by most of the U.S. population and honestly the whole world, especially around election times. But that is a whole soap box that I don’t want to get on right now. So of the things I want in life right now are financial independence for my husband and I, a life where I don’t feel like a child anymore, a better job, and just a feeling of knowing that things will all try out all right in the end. I am trying to create this feeling in my head right now. I do know that life will not suck forever and that things do work themselves out. But I have never been a patient person so waiting isn’t my favorite thing to do. I always have been a person who wanted things taken care of immediately and never liked leaving things until the last minute. So waiting for my life to come around is very hard for me. It seems like I have been waiting forever. Like the note I found on my desk this morning, I am here for a reason. Sometimes though I wish I knew what my reason was.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow – that is patience.” ~Unknown
April 13, 2012
This evening Patrick and I decided to go through my closet and get rid of clothes that were either too big for me now or clothes that I don’t wear anymore. I was able to rid my closet for 19 items! I mailed all but two items to a person in need from one of my depression support groups. I also sent her a gently used blanket with an inspirational note attached for a project she is doing. She is collecting gently used blankets to donate to rape victims. Please contact me if you are interested in donating a blanket. I also still have a size 5X blue paisley dress and a pair of size 28 jeans, both were barely worn. They are free to a good home. Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you are interested in them. I also worked on my husband’s anniversary gift this afternoon, worked on my Mary Kay business (see me for your mother’s day gifts! ) and made a trip to the store. I guess this week was productive after all.
I have decided that I am doing to do a semi-liquid diet with the permission of my dietitian. I will be doing four to five protein meal replacements a day, either shakes or bars and one healthy meal of 2-3 oz of lean meat and 1/2-1 cup of vegetables. I am starting Sunday. My husband even volunteered to do it with me. He will be doing Slim Fast shakes and the healthy meal with me. I was so touched when he said he would do it with me.
Patrick and I are really looking forward to our day trip tomorrow to Pittsburgh. I haven’t been this excited in a long time. It will be nice to take this trip and actually enjoy it because I am capable of walking and standing for long periods of time now. We have our camera packed and extra batteries. I will be taking tons of photos.
I have decided not to return to the endocrinologist that I was going too. He has made me feel like I am lying to him all the time and he only really wanted me coming back so that I could go on a new FDA approved weight loss pill that might be coming out. I am not comfortable with taking any pills or having another surgery at this point. I am off my diabetes pills now, so I found no real point to continue going there. If and when I need a weight loss pill I will ask my family physician.
My 5K is 5 weeks from tomorrow. I grow more and more excited about it each day. I have raised $200 so far and might be getting a few more donations. You can visit my donation page if you are interested in seeing what cause I am running for.
Life is going good, so much better than this time last year.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself…How did I get through all of that?” ~Unknown