December 22, 2011
Today was the first day of my winter vacation, it was nice to sleep in, but I made the mistake of sleeping in until 11:45am! Oh well, my body must of needed it. This afternoon Patrick and I went to the gym with my parents, I decided to start the Couch to 5K training today instead of Monday. That is the first time I have jogged in a long time, but I did it. Even though it was only 2 minutes of jogging, it was rough for someone of my size, but I completed the 2 minutes without stopping, this was my first non scale victory of the day. I think I will train outside instead of using the treadmill, weather permitting of course. After the gym, Patrick and I went and did some grocery shopping for ourselves and got more ingredients to make some Oatmeal Carmelita Bars for Christmas Eve since they have become popular in my family. After grocery shopping we came home and I took a bath since I felt nasty after working out. I had another non scale victory at this point. I know it might sound like something I should of been capable of doing in the first place, but those of you who struggle with obesity will understand. I was able to shave my own legs for the first time in I don’t know how long. My poor husband has been helping/doing it for me for the past few years. That is one of the reasons that my husband is one of the most awesome husbands out there, thank you honey for all that you do for me. As a way of simple repayment, I am giving him a shout out on my blog for his blog, if you want to read about our cat, Rowan’s new cat toy that we got him this evening, check out The Dingleberry.
Tomorrow, Patrick has an interview and then on Monday he has another. I am hoping one of these pans out. It would be nice to have both of us working again. I wish him the best of luck, we even practiced for tomorrow’s interview. I think he will do fine. Tomorrow night, the family, Patrick, and I are going to the Cleveland Improv to see our favorite comedian, Mike Polk. I am very excited, this will be our 3rd time seeing him in the past few months, he is really hilarious, search him on YouTube, he has tons of funny videos up. That is my only real plan for tomorrow. Just going to stay home and relax probably, although it is finally payday.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
November 21, 2011
Today was a weird day with a good ending. Work was good, a bit boring today. After work I went to the endocrinologist. I really didn’t care for this doctor much. He was very young and very full of himself. He kept saying “I’m not saying you’re lying but what you are telling doesn’t add up.” He was implying that I was lying about what I eat and my amount of exercise. If I am really doing all this things I should be losing weight. He ran some tests anyway even though he said he doesn’t think anything is wrong. Which is fine, just don’t be an ass about it. I don’t understand why no one wants to believe me or take me seriously. I know I got myself into this mess and I am the only one who can get me out, but come on, when I am doing what I am suppose to be doing and it still isn’t really working doesn’t that at least warrant some consideration from a doctor that something could possibly be imbalanced? I guess that doctor miss the bedside manner lesson. After the appointment, I worked off the frustration of my appointment at the gym with my personal trainer. We had another good session and he thought my food log looked nice is it’s pretty binder and that I was eating the right things. I will have another session with him Wednesday and Patrick and I are going sometime tomorrow afternoon after my counseling appointment is over. After the gym, we came home and changed and went out to a comedy club nearby for a show with our favorite comedian, Mike Polk. We saw him a few months back and really think he is amazing. Now he are home and blogging before heading to bed for the night. I have gotten to the point where I can’t go to sleep without blogging. So even if it’s a short blog at least I know I blogged and got my thoughts written down for the day.
My trainer keeps reminding to stop thinking about my past and I keep telling myself that too. But it’s so hard to actually follow that advise. I even have as my background on both my phone and my laptop, my favorite saying….”Don’t Look Back, You’re Not Going That Way.” I guess I need to tattoo it on my forehead and stare at it 24/7 to get it in my damn head. The past is over and done with, but why can’t I be done with it? I feel like my past is going to haunt me forever, I’m sure people reading this don’t even know the whole story because I’ve never shared all the details of my assault with them. I just told they that he mistreated me. Maybe I need to share everything with them in order to add in the healing process. Thank goodness I have counseling tomorrow, I will need it.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present.” ~Barbara De Angelis
November 20, 2011
Once again Patrick and I had another lazy Sunday with one another. We might as well enjoy them while we can because I am sure soon he will have a job and have to work every other weekend. He has an interview on Wednesday for a nursing assistant position. Tomorrow he has an advising appointment for his web design certificate. Tomorrow is going to be busy, but honestly I like it that way sometimes. I have to work, but at least it’s only a 3 day week because of Thanksgiving. Tomorrow is my appointment with the endocrinologist, I hope that goes well, I am mainly just looking for advise on whatever or not I should still be on diabetes medication. Tomorrow evening I have another personal training session, I am actually starting to look forward to them. I can’t believe that I am enjoying them but I am. Like it said it sucks while you are doing it, but the after effect and results to come make it worth it. Anyone who knows me personally probably can’t believe I just said that,, please pick your chin up off the floor. My goal during training tomorrow is to get through the whole session without saying “I can’t.” It’s my favorite phrase and I need to stop using it, it doesn’t get you anywhere. Tomorrow night Patrick and I are going to the comedy club in Cuyahoga Falls to see Mike Polk again. He is honestly our favorite comedic. I am really looking forward to it.
I did my food log again. I still need to get 27.5 grams of protein in before the day is over. Nothing a protein shake won’t fix. I really need to find other sources of protein though. I don’t like meat very much and I don’t really remember what tofu tastes like. I think I had it a long time ago but don’t remember it. I know that tofu is suppose to take on the taste of whatever you cook it with. I guess I am just worried about the texture. The only meat I will honestly eat is chicken, lamb, and some seafood. Steak is okay, but I have to be in the mood for it. I don’t do fish unless it is freshly caught and even then I might not eat it. I will eat shrimp, crab, and lobster though, oh and canned tuna (in water of course.) I have no meat in the house right now other than the canned tuna. Every time I go shopping I usually don’t buy it because I know I will never eat it and then it is wasted. But in order to be successful this time around I need to try to add it to my diet. I think I will do some recipe searching when I am done blogging. A good site for other baratric patients is The World According To EggFace. I think I will go on there to see if she has any interesting recipes. I found a bunch of cans of black beans in my cupboard, might try to do something with them for tomorrow.
Change can be amazing, I can’t believe what a difference a few months can make. Last April, I was in the hospital again for wanting to kill myself, now those thoughts never cross my mind. I know now that suicide is the easy way out and who wants to be remembered for taking the easy way out? If you want to challenge yourself you need to suffer through the hard times. I wish I had felt this way in the beginning right after surgery. I know that I kind of wasted the first year after surgery because I was depressed all the time and overeating so much that I would throw up every day, multiple times a day. Now I rarely throw up, I only do if something doesn’t agree with me, which is usually rare now. I can still be successful thought and get this weight off just as long as I don’t give and keep trying. I want a baby so bad. That is my main motivation right now. I’ve just got to keep my eye on the prize aka a baby.
Daily Inspirational Quote: “Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” ~Christian D. Larson